Thursday, June 18, 2009

OMG! This Effing Rain!

It's raining in Philadelphia. Have you heard? I only know because I am on Facebook. And via Facebook, everyone whom I have ever met in my life is complaining about the weather. Me? I tend to like the rain. And a good thunderstorm? Forget about it. I'm cooped up in my office anyway, right? Just me, Pandora, my laptop, and my phones. The rain works to soothe me; I relax into work and feel contented. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhhh.

But wait - other people? Fucking hate this rain. They do not like the RAIN. Fuck this rain. They miss the sun. Where is the sun? Why is it always raining?!?! In summary: rain = HATE.

All of this belly-aching about rain (fuck this rain) got me to thinking about Facebook belly-aching in general, and the amazing piece I never published from guest blogger and resident funny woman, Koos. Ladies and gents, I bring you, courtesy of da Koos, things your Facebook friends are longing to tell you, but don't, because come on, you've got to be polite on Facebook. (But you can be a huge asshole at QINTM and nobody says "boo".) (Seriously though, comments are always open, y'all.) (Edited by yours truly.)

1. Stop complaining. Have you really bothered tracking people down all the way back to Pre-K to tell them about your headaches, runny noses, fatigue, and other boring ailments that everyone experiences at one time or another?

2. We know your kids and/or pets are cute and that you love them. Even mention them in your status updates every now and again. Just not EVERY update.

3. If you do not like your job, your boss, your coworkers or your commute, get off of Facebook immediately and update your resume, for the love of Pete.

4. As exciting as your errand list is, we don't need a play-by-play of what you did all day when it involves the grocery store, doctors' visits, dry cleaners, and trips to the gym. Call your real friends and bore them with all that stuff.

5. Mondays are unavoidable. As well as Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Try to enjoy the fact that you woke up and have air in your lungs; that you have one more day to spend with the kids and pets you can't leave out of your status updates. I mean, if you live until you are 80, you will have experienced 4171 Mondays. And look at you out there wasting them being miserable! Suckers. Koos and I are kicking back, drinking mojitos, and loving life on that first day of the work week. We'll let you hang with us if you stop your whining.

Tip of the iceberg, huh? What else drives you crazy about the Facebooking?


Anonymous said...

I love to dance naked in the rain.

Now I am not a Facebooker, by any means, and please correct me if I'm wrong - but I thought all the things listed are what Facebook is for...update your mood, status, kids, pets, fam, pics, lunch, complaints, loves, ect...If everyone refrained from doing the 5things listed, Facebook would be a dead

And since when are Tori Spelling and Kim Porter friends? -Allie

Homevalley said...

I think the whole thing is - why are you complaining all the time? You know I am a huge believer in putting out positivity into the universe. I think you should put what's on your mind, absolutely! To a point. This was a shout-out to some REPEAT offenders on FB, those people who are ALWAYS complaining about Mondays and only write about their babies and their sicknesses and ailments and trips to the supermarket. Ya dig?

(Wait - rants about Facebook are positive, right?)

Homevalley said...

Oh, and I missed this week! If you were on FB, you would realize that. Rejoin! We need you!

Anonymous said...

Well, you must see it! a Winter Wonderland party, complete with P. Dittys fam. Who knew!? - Allie

Anonymous said...

Oh - and i am giving out this blog address tonight in class - so watch for random commenters!

Koos is Nacho Mama said...

I had forgotten about this. It's kind of ironic that we complain about complainers, eh? But we are awesome and complaining is not. I have one more to add (shocking I know). Sarcasm aka inadvertent complaining, for example Koos is doing laundry, fun fun.
Allie, status updates are for being funny or letting the world know about something unique or extraordinary your are doing. Anyone who says different is selling something.
"I'm just happy to be here" Koos

Homevalley said...

The irony is not lost on me, but really we just spread the love by telling people what not to do. If others would only live by our rules. They are so simple! I mean honestly, Koos, anyone who drops casual references to the Princess Bride in comments? Well, that is someone I aspire to be. Keep the complaints about complaining coming.

Koos is Nacho Mama said...