Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Here's lookin at you, Queens.


Happy one year anniversary, Queens is the New Manhattan, you gorgeous, gorgeous gal. In honor of our big day (tomorrow):

Number of beers consumed:

HomeValley: 1
J: 3 (and counting)

Number of rock star hair cuts:

1 (Short, people. Short, shorn, and Awesome.)

Number of minutes it took J to overcome shock at rock star do:

Any second now.

Number of bowls of ice cream consumed:


Number of Gin Blossoms songs downloaded:


Number of times HV listened to "Hey Jealousy" and danced wildly around house, swinging shorn locks and doing her patented "Molly Ringwald" jig:

7 (and counting)

Number of times HV marveled at how much she loves this modest little blog, and how grateful she is that you've stopped by to read her ever-clever drivel:

8 gazillion (and counting)

Hug and kisses and Gin Blossoms and love to you all,


Tomorrow, maybe, we can drive around this town? And let the cops chase us around? Exactly.

I remember when we were drivin' - drivin' in your car

In case you were sitting behind your desk this afternoon, wondering what was going through the brain of HomeValley today, please, take a look:

You can trust me not to cheat

And not to sleep around

And if you don't expect too much from me

You might not be let down...

Hey jealousy! Hey jealousy


Til I hear it from you...


Anywhere you go!

I'll follow you down

Folks, this acute condition involves all Gin Blossom lyrics, all the time. Why? Why do I yearn for 90s alternative music so frequently? Is anyone else out there afflicted?

J and I went to Cat's dance recital on Saturday night, and went apeshit when we heard "Wonderwall", "Don't Look Back in Anger", and "Fast Car". These songs? Fucking brilliant. How could we forget?

Oh, and I totally downloaded Oasis when we got home.

And I am totally downloading Gin Blossoms tonight.

And I totally just went rooting through J's antiquated CD collection, and found me some Belly, y'all. Belly!

Keep your head up, boy, when you're talkin to me

And be there when I feed... the... tree.

I don't know what it means - but I like it.
Perhaps a little Empire Records this eve, J?
Oh, and since I actually am still somewhat into contemporary music, this is what made me smile all the way to Pittsburgh last week.

And this is what made my heart soar yesterday.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Overheard in Philadelphia

Monday morning I was at the Philadelphia Airport grabbing a cup of coffee at Cibo Bar in the B terminal. It was before 7 AM, so I was not yet fully functional. A woman was seated next to me, working diligently on her laptop and PDA. She was no-nonsense.

I overheard her first call. "I'm just going to put this out there," she remarked assuredly. "How the FUCK are we going to meet this deadline?!"

I liked her.

A few moments later, she asked for her check, but not before instructing the bartender to "put their first round on my tab." She gestured to the other end of the bar, where four servicemen had just sat and ordered.

"It's four shots of Grey Goose; is that alright?" The bartender asked.

"Yes - whatever they want."

The bartender doled out the shots and informed the military men that the round was on the "lady in the corner." They chorused "Thank you, ma'am" in unison.

"Don't mention it," the woman said as she quickly gathered up her things to head to her gate. "I'd cheers with you if I didn't have meetings all day."

And the multitasker was off.

And my eyes welled with tears.

Because damn - that was classy.

Thursday, June 14, 2007


Now I hate to jinx myself, Internet, so I will only say this:

Things are good right now.

Just this week, I took Pilates for the first time, and assuaged my anxiety about the dentist. (J and I went for our regular dental check-ups this week, as it has been a shameful amount of years since we have each been. And no cavities! For me. Sorry, J.)

Though I am admittedly crippled from my Pilates class (my abs are stil smarting from the assault), things are going exceptionally well right now. First, came the incomparable Roberta. Then, the planned jaunt to Turkey. Then, remember this? Well, it turns out that things did work out for the best, because I got a promotion. An exciting one! Which I am very excited about! EXCITEMENT!

I feel incredibly blessed, like my Far-Far Hakan. (Anytime you ask Hakan how he is, he consistently replies, "Why, I'm blessed, how are you?" He says it so predictably that each time I politely inquire how he is doing, I picture him rolling his eyes and thinking: "I'm blessed, asshat, as always.")


I was expecting some new equipment with the new job; but today it is like Christmas in our living room. I now not only have a new laptop, but also a new desktop computer, which I haven't the faintest idea how to set-up. (Desktop? Does. Not. Compute.) This brings the total number of computers in our home to a whopping 5. Pretty good for a home that did not have Internet prior to 2007.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Why Brides Go Mental.

Dear Wedding Coordinator at an unnamed resort in Jamaica,

Thank you for your instantaneous, copied and pasted response to my wedding inquiry. I very much appreciate your detailed instructions on how to navigate your wedding website. Now, I think I am ready to book my wedding online! Here is my credit card number, expiration date, and security code. Forget the receipt or an agreed upon fee; I trust that you will take a fair amount for the initial deposit. You, Automated Response, have really put my soul at ease during this day-long process.

I am very much looking forward to receiving that email from "someone" on your staff one month before the wedding date to discuss decorations, flowers, the ceremony, the restaurant, the number of guests, etc. It will be wonderful to have all of the details worked out four entire weeks before my eighty guests are due to arrive. Oh hell, Automated Response, why not just surprise my future husband and me with your plans? We trust your judgment. My only request is that you make a tape deck available for my walk down the aisle; it has been my dream since I was a wee little girl to have a canned version of Canon in D played as I prepared to vow my eternal devotion to my beloved. But you already knew that, didn't you? It's like you are inside my mind.

I am putting the e-Vite together as we speak, dear friend.

Love Always,


P.S. Go fuck yourself.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Ex is Best

On Saturday afternoon I headed to P's baby shower with Grace and friends. It was a pleasant afternoon spent sipping white wine spritzers and eating delicious chicken parm, oohing and aahing over baby gear (until Grace snapped at me to stop doing that already!). I also caught up with an old acquaintance whom I have not seen in years, and who also happens to be an ex-girlfriend of J's from long ago.

When I arrived home, J informed me he was taking me out for a surprise on Main Street. And because he is so awesome, he took me here. We decided we'd grab a quick drink, and wasn't my seventh-grade boyfriend bartending at the new Manayunk version of this bar?

We chatted with Seventh-Grade Beau over Miller Lites as scores of people began filtering in... including another one of J's exes. Of course I over-excitedly extended my hand to meet her, when she informed me we had definitely met before.


We all chatted semi-amiably at the bar, but mostly she just seemed uncomfortable. After she left, I mentioned this to J.

"Yeah, I would expect that... That's two exes today - huh!" J said, smiling, as I suddenly noticed my sophomore dance date ordering a drink at the bar.

I ran up to say hello, just as my senior prom date came into view. Hugs all around!

On cue, my junior prom date appeared behind me.

Obviously, J.D. McGillicuddy's in Manayunk is where exes and high school prom dates go to die. You've been warned.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

The Vanessa Reunion Tour


Good lord; my heart hurts.

Admittedly, I have had far too many margaritas tonight to be writing this, but man. Tonight Vanessa and I met for drinks and dinner at our favorite spot in Midtown, Rio. Remember, Internet? Remember, when I wrote this?

I miss Queens.

And it's not that I don't love my life now; because I do, and I would not change what J and I have for anything in all of God's green goodness. It's just - well, sitting in a cab on my way back to the Courtyard Marriott on East 92nd with tequila coursing through my veins? It ain't right. Shouldn't I be sneaking into a taxi and sweetly telling the driver that we're going to 28-28 29th Street? Seriously?

Back in the hotel. Why are the Las Vegas Real Worlders having a reunion on my television screen? This isn't going to help.

Jesus. I am going to bed. And I am totally erasing this in the morning.

And also: shut up, Alton.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Got Bangkok to Montauk on lock.

There is this feeling I get when I'm about to land in a foreign country. It's an exhilirating mix of awe, excitement, and reverence. It's incredulity. I am where now? And I get to be here for how long? And I am so fucking lucky I might burst from joy?

I get that feeling when I look at our pictures, or when I pass the time checking out our former hotels online. This sensation of unbridled happiness, mixed with a twinge of sadness, for it's never certain we will return to any one place. (Except you, Cambodia. Oh, we will be back.)

Picking a destination is emotional for me, even though, J will assure you, I want to go everywhere, and see everything. Literally. Last night we watched a "program" (as J refers to television shows, as if it is 1956. It is adorable!) on Stockholm, Sweden, and I got way overstimulated and screeched, "The city is made of 24,000 islands?!?!! Oh my God, I cannot WAIT! We have to go, J. Immediately."

But we won't go to Stockholm next (even though I need to get there soon, to visit Uncle Kurt and get down with all the HomeValleys).

Dudes, we are going here in October:

Istanbul or bust, y'all.