Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Jacob 4 Eva

Two Fridays ago was my first bonafide night out, sans baby and husband. Liberation!

Of course, I went to see Eclipse. And I got all dolled up for the occasion, and didn't even bother to wear my new Daisy Fuentes "slimming panel" tank. It sent a very clear message: this mushy pooch is your future, tweens.

But I actually felt fantastic. I met the ladies at the theater, ordered up my small popcorn with butta, and mah Sweettarts, and it was ON.

Oh, Bella.

So here are a few observations about the film:

  1. I AM TEAM JACOB. I hate proclaiming a "team," but come ON, girls. The abs. Can I get a witness? But really, Ed just doesn't do it for me. Maybe it's all the "protection" bullshit. Maybe it's the fact that he's completely humorless. Maybe it's the overall codependent relationship between the two star-crossed lovers. Either way, I will take the warm-blooded Native American any day. His only flaw? His incredulous infatuation with -

  2. BELLA. Lord, Bella. First, you assault my eyes with that ATROCIOUS wig. Then, you crush my feminist soul with your complete lack of ambition, save to have sex with your boyfriend and be with him for all eternity. Did you seriously just offer to go to college ALL SO HE WOULD hit that? Sister, wise up.

  3. I really dig Anna Kendrick.

  4. The man seated behind me gave a running commentary throughout the entire movie. "God, that's cheesy!" He'd proclaim to his lady friend about every three minutes. "Ugh, so cheesy." We get it, dude. Your girlfriend dragged you to the show. You're not a homosexual. It's not Citizen Kane. Now please shut your big yapper. Damn.

Who saw it? What say you, friends?


Mama_Bear_Sarah said...

kristen stewart annoys me in general with inability to act and constant emo expressions, as if to say "my life is so rough and all this stardom is just too damn much and wah, wah, wah." and yeah the wig. pahleeze!
i can't have a "thing" for Taylor Lautner because the first time i saw him was in "Shark Boy and Lava Girl" when he was like 12. but damn! those abs are still mighty fine.

Allie said...

I agree, I found myself betraying Edward in this movie. Seeing his pale, skinny cold body next to Jacobs warm ab-tastic-ness, there was really no contest. Ed seemed like a bitch in this movie.

Bella is so miserable and such a downer. I get that she does not care what she looks like and all, but has a brush ever hurt anyone??

I think this story should have been left in print. The movies are ruining it.

A and B said...

I love Edward. He's a bit to skinny for my taste, but I love him. hee hee I thought this movie was the best of the three, hands down. Glad you had a fun night out!!! :)

Lauren said...

1. agreed on the wig....not sure why they validate such eye sores...can they not afford the high paid hair and makeup crews? (or a half decent director?!) Also, why make the cullens look like they are on day 2 of the stomach flu? too pale and a bitty shade of green.
2. agreed, best movie of the three, however, that is no huge accomplishment
3. bella- snooze, whine, whine, snooze
4. boy, do i sound like a debbie downer...haha...i do love edward though :-)
5. bill condon is directing the fourth (dreamgirls) and i am super excited for it!

Lauren said...

oh, and jacob is quite a slice