Thursday, March 04, 2010


Da Koos - one of my bestest friends in the universe, a woman who keeps me sane on a daily/hourly basis - is moving to Maryland in a few short weeks.

And I can't seem to carve out a moment to see her and her husband and her adorable babies before she goes.

Internet: HALP.

I have noticed this week - ironically, since I began my makeshift Happiness Project - that I am increasingly miserable. Irritable. Overwhelmed. My anxiety has seeped into my REM cycles as well: for the past three nights, I have been solely responsible for killing my brothers and all of their friends in a horrific plane crash; inadvertently killed Ninja (a ten-pound boy named "River," inexplicably); or worked tirelessly to survive the plague in France.

It's work, dudes. I am charged with being "on the road" for at least three days per week, which can entail a myriad of different circumstances. At 7 months pregnant with a baby who's gestational age is likely 8.5 months, I am exhausted. It's not really the travel that's taking it's toll: it's all the time AWAY from my home. Time I should be spending with my husband. Time I should spend doing more prenatal yoga. Time I should spend reading baby books. Time I should spend decorating my baby's nursery. Time I should spend exercising. Time I should spend nesting.

Fuck, even a trip to the dry cleaner's involves extreme precision and planning. When will I go? Logistically, when can I pick up?

And when do I squeeze in a doctor's appointment? Shouldn't my health and the baby's health take top priority?

I have a wonderfully supportive husband who, thanks to my enervating schedule, does more than any man in the history of the universe has ever done. FOR REAL. He makes sure the house is spotless upon my return from a grueling trip. He's coordinating the new carpet installation, the new windows. He does the laundry. He's working full-time as well, and finishing up an MBA. And yet he is managing, better than me.

And what's really frightening me, if I can tell you all honestly?

The kid is not even here yet. CRIPES - how do you DO THIS, moms?? Please do advise.

So I need to reign it in. I need to cut back at work. I am going to speak to my supervisor. Tell him my concerns (in a calm, pretending I am not a hormonal basketcase type of manner). I am going to focus on my happiness project. I am going to keep up with yoga, because all other plans and commitments be damned, yoga is saving my life right now. I feel resplendent when I come out of my Sunday morning class. Whole again.

I am busy making lists, and crossing tasks off. And I am trying to go easy on myself, lest my baby inherit this stress and neuroses.

In the meantime, I am frantically trying to create more hours in a day. Like, maybe 30? 30 would be good.

Any and all suggestions welcome, as well as inspirational "buck up, little camper" speeches.


Mama_Bear_Sarah said...

the smell of new carpet ...yuck, my head hurts all the way from MN.

Koos said...

Thirty hours would be freaking fantastic right about now.
You just worry about you and the Ninj and everything else will fall into place and you will informally create your own priority list.

GiGi Wiggins said...

came across your blog by accident but glad I did! Very funny. I am a Queens gal myself but am pretty happy to be gone.

Sarah Mahalo said...

I'm having VERY similar dreams- I killed my cat, my husband (while flirting with a whooo-oar) INSISTED naming our baby Cruise (as in Tom) and in real life, I can't squeeze anything in that I actually want to do.

hm. I can't WAIT for the baby to come so I can take eight weeks off.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, you are not the first and you will not be last. Buck up, it is time to be a mother, your husband will hold up his end of the bargain and you will both be parents. End of story, stop trying to be dramatic, this storyline is too Hollywood to even be news worthy.

Homevalley said...

Thanks for stopping by, GiGi!

Sarah M - I seriously can't wait for those 8 weeks. Not that we will get much accomplished during them, but what sleepless fun! Glad I am not alone on the bizarre anxiety dreams.

Oh, and a completely negative, borderline insulting comment from an anonymous commenter?? I have ARRIVED!

Anonymous said...

I tend to disagree with your assessment, although, I have learned to never argue with a pregnant woman, in this case I will go against my better judgement.

The point of my message was not to be negative or insulting, but simply to figuratively snap you out of it. As dramatic and tiring as you post was, there are so many people with so much less that have done so many amazing things in the world of raising a family. Just thing of all that you can accomplish with all the resources that you have available to you.

My point truly is to be thankful for what you have now and in front of you and stop worrying about all this crap. It will work itself out and you will be just fine.

So again, buck up and be a mother, your husband will be right there with you and you will all be incredibly fine. There really is no reason for all this stress, just deal with everything one step at a time and soon enough you will be at the top of the staircase, smiling.

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Homevalley said...

Anon: while you are certainly entitled to your opinion, and I appreciate a good kick in the ass, I would venture that there are nicer ways to say things than "stop trying to be dramatic, this storyline is too Hollywood to even be news worthy." I am stressed, and that's news to me.

Also, you'll notice I do have an action plan in place. I normally don't whine just for the hell of it. The reason for writing it down and hitting publish is so that people can share common experiences. I do thank you for sharing your insight.