Thursday, November 19, 2009

For Shame, Roseanne Connor.

*Blogger whines to husband about GOALS! She is driven! She is coming out of the first trimester wretchedness! She will accomplish a floppity-jillion things before Ninja comes!*

"OK. So what did you do today?"

"Well, I got downstairs around 7:30. And then I poured myself a hearty bowl of Honey-Nut Cheerios. And then I sat on the couch and flipped on the TV. Started watching Roseanne, but it was an episode from the final season... And so I turned it off and booted up the computer to find out what the fuck was going on with the final season? The Connors won the lottery? And then I learned that - wait, are you ready for this? This is fucking unbelievable, J. Here, the entire show was all Roseanne's 'writing.' Jackie was gay! Dan DIED of a HEART ATTACK. They never won the lottery! Becky was with David! DARLENE WAS WITH MARK! Is that the most fucked-up thing you have ever heard?!?"

Beat.

"So, that was pretty productive."

"Quite."

*Husband's head explodes*

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Before Husband's head exploded, Husband said "Now that is the type of thing you shoudl blog about! People love stuff about weird TV shows." ...and they do. they do.

Anonymous said...

Now if you would have told me that about the Cosby Show, then that might have been something to discuss. Can you imagine, Dr Huxtable was actually a car mechanic, Claire wasn't a bitch, Theo got busted for drugs not that weird kid from Different Strokes, Denise was smart, Sondra and Elvin were actually chipmunks that lived in Claire's garden out back, Vanessa was popular and Rudy was the dog.

J

Anonymous said...

J- that would be awesome!! I cant handle those last few episodes of Rosanne...Dan collapsing at Darlene's wedding in the woods!? Too heavy for me.

-Allie

Homevalley said...

Let's rewrite Full House too! Like, imagine if Stephanie Tanner was a meth addict?? Oh. Wait.

Anonymous said...

Or Michelle Tanner grew up to be a super skinny hobo dressing...Oh. yea.
-Allie

Homevalley said...

And maybe Danny could actually be a really CRUDE stand-up comic, and say horrifying things in a movie all about smoking dope? Now that would be a stretch!

Oh. Wait.