Friday, May 07, 2010

Water, Water Everywhere... And I'm Retaining it All.

37 week check-up yesterday... no signs that The Ninja will reveal its true identity any time in the foreseeable future. I am coming to terms with an early June baby, listening to a lot of Glee and Jesse Malin to pass the time, and calling it a day.

You know what I am having more trouble coming to terms with? The fact that, if I am pregnant for another 4 weeks?

I will be even fatter. And honestly, I can't take anymore weight gain. I can't control it, and maybe this is a big FAT lesson in humility, but for the love of Lionel... ENOUGH.

I am not going to tell you how much weight I've gained overall. I refused to tell J, even, as my weight is threatening to eclipse his own.

I will tell you that I gained another 6 pounds. THIS week.

So after stepping off of the scale, peeing in a cup (sidebar - that is FUCKING impossible now. Pee = everywhere), I sat in the exam room yesterday, waiting for the doc, and I cried.

Then I got annoyed with myself for wallowing, so I tried meditating... But when I repeated a yoga mantra - I am beautiful, I am bountiful, I am blissful - my internal monologue insisted: OH HELL YES YOU ARE BOUNTIFUL. FATTY.

So I just breathed instead. And examined my swollen feet and ankles.

When the kindest OB in all the lands finally entered, he asked how I was feeling.

"Defeated," I said.

"Why - the weight gain? I wasn't even going to mention it."

(You see? He is the most fantastic man.)

He told me that it happens... I've been healthy my entire life, and this is just my body on pregnancy. He said - though admitted it was anecdotal - that he finds fit women who gain excessive weight during pregnancy will return to their pre-pregnancy form relatively easily.

And he told me not to be so hard on myself.


And so I'll calm down, until I see a new doc next week, who may or not be as kind.


Anonymous said...

Once that beautiful baby is in your hands, you'll realize every pound was worth it. No more tears; enjoy these last few days, weeks, however long it may's difficult to appreciate now, but you will miss it (until next time, haha!)


Homevalley said...

You are so right, P. I am focusing a little too much on the disappointment of not being the picture of perfect health, and wondering if I am failing the baby. I guess this is only the start of second-guessing, and I have to learn to relax!

Also - where is this baby already?

Sarah Mahalo said...

I cried at week 35...for NO reason. It was so embarrassing (probably just for me though- Todd looked terrified.)

I'm getting close to the big 3-0 in so many ways...pounds, age...well, I guess that's only two ways- but still- I feel you.

Keep on keepin' on. Go get a massage- go get your hair did- go get acupuncture- because that little babe's coming and then we won't have time for most of that stuff.

Yay, baby!

Lauren said...

You will lose the weight...for now just enjoy evey second of that belly because you will miss it when its have a BABY, a LIVING PERSON in you...growing in you, you gained weight for this little person to grow strong and healthy...remember that. the water weight (i swear to you) will practically melt away the first week!! dont fret, take in every special kick and movement between you and ninja...every kick is your own special one can feel it but you so enjoy the specialness of it these last few weeks before you have to share her with the world :-)