Girls, I want to talk about bikini waxes.
Or, more specifically, French/Brazilian hybrid waxes. Like the one I had today.
I have little patience for many things lately. I long to simplify my life. So I make lists. And I cross of to-do items. And I take care of my business. I also firmly believe that anything I can do, I can hire someone to do better. Like just the other night, I was talking about hiring a doula, to help me with my drug-free, natural childbirth. And J rolled his eyes and said, "Sure. Sounds good. Maybe you can just hire someone to go through the labor for you."
Oh, J. If only that were a real possibility. I am sure there is someone out there in God's green goodness that could labor way better than moi.
So, a few weeks ago, I decided I was done with shaving my lady bits. That's it, I cried to my razor. This is over! Shaving sucks. It's overrated. It's tedious. And the hair? It grows right back. And honestly, if I can't be bothered to shower regularly, how can I be expected to maintain my nether regions?
Surely, I thought, surely someone out there can do this better than me.
And so I hung up the razor for
I was up in the middle of the night, dreading the ordeal.
Dreading a wax, when just a few days ago I decided I was going to have a natural delivery.
In lieu of a glass of wine, I resolved to pop a few Tylenol before the appointment. Only, I got a business call just a few minutes before I needed to leave, and I rushed out the door without my pain meds.
And so it seemed, I would have to have this wax naturally. Without drugs.
So it was my fate.
You can do this, I assured myself. You are strong. Breathe. You have taken two prenatal yoga classes; you are a zen goddess. Visualize the end result.
It was: unpleasant. To put it mildly. I did okay at managing the pain at first, but towards the end I got a little squirmy. I might have exclaimed: "Kelly Clarkson!" I dont know. I think I blacked out.
But I survived it. I was exuberant. You see? If I can do natural waxing, I can absolutely handle natural childbirth.