Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Back from Canada, Hosers!

Remember when I told y'all I was escaping to Canada for a day hour?

Well, I toetally rocked that. And I learned a lot during my stint out of the good ole US of A.

Let's see, shall we?
My first inkling that I would be entering a foreign land was this sign. It says STOP in English, you see, but then it says ARRET en francais. Well, shit. They speak French here! This is exactly like visiting France.

More French! Sacre bleu! Luckily, I was ready with my passport and a big American grin. Get at me, Customs.

Hey - Customs here is legit! I was asked about 25 questions:

Where are you coming from, Ma'am?
You live in Buffalo?
What kind of work?
How are long are you there for?
Where do you live?
Did you drive in?
Car's got CT plates?
What rental agency is the car from?
What exactly will you be doing in Canada?
How long will you be staying?
An hour? Really?

Frazzled, I actually said: "Er, I really just came for a stamp on my passport."


I parked quickly, then learned a harsh lesson about Canadian ATM machines (hint: they do not dole out U.S. currency. Ugly American jackass.)

But look! A "washroom"! We ain't in Kansas anymore, folks.

It was time to feast my eyes on the glorious falls of Niagara. But wait - the hell? What's that boat doing in there? By God, it's a suicide mission! No, boat, no! Turn, turn, MAN!


Excuse me? Maiden of the wha? Oh.

Oh, I see what they did there. Here is a lovely picture of me and some boats filled with delightful tourists such as myself.

And then... I fell in.

Ha! You guys, it's just a camera trick.

(Also, my mobile? Unspeakably high quality photos.)

After a full four minutes of looking at the falls, I had seen all there was to see. So I stumbled into a gift shop, where I found a mecca of absolutely fabulous blog subtitles splayed on tee-shirts:

Classic HV!

And to drive the point home (or possibly because I can't figure out how to delete):

Why I never!

Isn't it?

Tell it, sister.

(Seriously, which one would you choose for this here blog? I have my opinion - which you are all entitled to, btw - but open to suggestions.)

And finally, no trip to Canada would be complete without one sparkling souvenir mug, to remember the precious, precious minutes spent.

Godspeed, Canada. Godspeed.

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