That's not to say that I did not want a girl. I just never pined for a daughter. I figured I'd be a great mama of boys, and if I had a daughter, wonderful! If not, I was okay with that. I didn't need the frilly dresses and bows, the fairy princesses, and the teenage drama. My life would still be complete.
I was utterly, completely mistaken.
Though I sensed that Ailie was a girl early on in my pregnancy, I never really expected her. J and I were quite stunned when she arrived, all nearly ten pounds of her, a shock of black hair atop her head. They put her on my chest and she didn't cry initially. She just looked, and I held her, stammering through my tears: "I can't believe it's a girl! I can't believe it."
Those first two nights in the hospital - with both of my children - were pure magic. Despite all of the other less-than-delightful things I was going through as my body began the recovery process, I just stared at my babies and thanked God and smiled and cried and thought about how miraculous this whole process is. Plus, since we elected not to find out the sex, I began to adjust to the idea of our new life and dynamic.
Today, you are two months old, BG. From the moment you were born, precious Ailie Eden, I think daily (and say almost as often to your father): I can't believe we are so lucky to have this girl. I can't believe we have a boy and a girl. I can't believe we get to experience both.
Every day, you amaze me. You were born smiling and now you smile constantly. You coo and speak and hold your head up like a champion. You melt hearts with your big grin, your perfectly round face, your huge blue eyes. Those cheeks! That fabulous hair! You are a revelation, my love.
Barely eight weeks old, and you are already teaching me many things. I am reconsidering the woman I want to be for you. I want to be healthy, accomplished, involved, and self-confident. I want your dad and I to be an example of a strong and loving marriage for you and your brother. I want to right the missteps I may have made in the past, and show you that you can be anything you wish to be. In the distant future, I want to be the inspiration for you to do whatever it is that makes you happy. I want you to be limitless.
I want you to know that you make your father and me so happy. We love to snuggle your warm little body as you wiggle and snort and stretch. You are lovely and perfect.
Those delicious cheeks.
Falling asleep during tummy time, you fantastic angel.
Your ridiculous bedhead.
Relaxing with Dad.
With your bro, who adores you these days.
Thanks for these last two months of newborn bliss, Ailie. We can't wait to see what's next.