Monday, January 11, 2010

20 Weeks, and the Ninja Won't be IGNORED, y'all

Squee! Ultrasound pictures!

I just created a photo album on Facebook entitled: "The Mighty Ninja." I included only the 4D image of the Ninj. I tagged J. Someone promptly "liked" my new album.

Then I quickly deleted the whole she-bang.

I don't know why. It just felt too personal. Like maybe 400 Facebook friends shouldn't see my uterus. And my baby's shoulder. And the giant HomeValley head.

I save that for you guys. My real friends. That space is Ninja's, and I suppose I decided that that space will remain his/her. Until birth.

So, the Ninja emerged with a vengeance this week. I hopped on the scale at Friday's prenatal still high on receiving the single greatest compliment any prego can hope to receive: "My, you are so cute! You look like you swallowed a basketball!"


So imagine all hints of smugness and hubris being sucked from the room when the numbers kept going up.

And up.

And TEN pounds in 3.5 weeks later, the Ninja let his/her presence be felt. The Ninja is starting to resemble a young Chuck Norris.

Since I had only gained an adorable six pounds since learning I was with blessed child, the doctor assured me that ten pounds in a month was okay. She did warn me, however, that if I packed on another ten in one month, that we'd have to chat.

Thus, my love affair with the gym begins again in earnest. Because it's not like I can deny Ninj his/her Snickers bars. What kind of mother would I be?

Also of note? I am in Syracuse, preparing to watch Julie and Julia. This frightens me, as I fear the film will make me ravenous.

Also? I just turned off Baby Boom, as I got so annoyed with the entire premise of it. Let me recap: J.C. is a career woman. She graduated first in her class at Yale, and has a Harvard MBA. But alas, she is married to her job. The narrator WARNS us at the film's onset NOT TO BE FOOLED BY APPEARANCES OF GIANT SHOULDER PADS AND CAREER SATISFACTION. (Even J.C.'s moniker hasn't a scant trace of femininity. She may even have a penis. All she cares about is WORK.)

You see, J.C. is terribly unfulfilled, and she doesn't even know it. Not until a baby is dropped in her lap and she has to quit her job because she can't hang with the big dogs anymore. Really, what she has always wanted to do is make baby food from a quiet house in the country anyway. The end.

And that is why the 80s was a hot fucking mess for women. Hey now, I've read Backlash.

What say you, women and men alike? I want to qualify my statements: there is nothing wrong with birthing babies (you know I'm into it). There is nothing wrong with staying home to raise your babies. But on the other hand, there is nothing wrong with NOT birthing babies. Moreover, there is nothing wrong with birthing babies AND continuing to work to provide for them. Happiness is personal. Do you hear that, 1980s filmmakers? Enough with the scare tactics and blatant agenda-pushing. (I'm lookin' at you, Fatal Attraction director Adrian Lyne.)

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to find some chocolate bars with almonds. For the baby.



Anonymous said...

Don't blame the artist, blame the audience. There are a TON of, what some would consider bad and others consider great, examples out there. But people tune in and watch or read or listen...

Stereotypes are what they are because they are true observations that exist and are pretty much dead on true.

If you don't agree with a message, do what you did, turn it off and forget about it. Move on to the next option and see what you think of that one.

Too many people dwell on bad messages and talk about them, which in turn provides publicity for the bad message and makes people go watch, listen, read it anyway. Think about the Oprah effect on steroids...all she has to do is recommend a horrible book...I can't think of any books lately that hit the best seller lists but were based completely on lies that she advised the world to absorb, but I am sure it will happen sooner or later.

Needless to say, do what you do, have your own mind, read your own topics and grow on your own. If you depend on the media to dictate your education, you will end up on TMZ or you should.

Anonymous said...

i had a 10 lbs month with both kids, and if i remember correctly it was the 5th month. I know with Hailee it was the month right after Easter. My OB shook it off to a growth spurt, I on the other hand knew it was too many choc bunnies & jelly beans (just ask Ty how many times I made him go get them for me)! Hail to the great snickers bar :)

Anonymous said...

P, I hide snickers bars around the house sometimes. They come in handy. Nobody wants a cranky pregnant chick around. They are like magic bars.


Anonymous said...

...and after Ninja arrives, hide bottles of wine around the house. Nobody likes a sleep deprived, miserable new-mommy around. Trust me, they are like magic bottles.