So it's 2009, and I have been MIA for many, many days. Miss me?
Well, I missed you. Terribly. And for the three of you who are interested, I still have a job! And I totally meant to blog about my adventures in securing said job. Let me just tell you, I had already written the post in my head. It was entitled: "And then I got my period." (I thought it sounded like a country song chorus, right?) And since you ask, US Air lost my bag. It took me 3 cabs to find a mall. I then got stranded at the mall in Columbia, SC. My luggage arrived the next day. Broken. My return flight was canceled. I had to drive to Charlotte. My face wash exploded in my bag. My flight was delayed. And then I got my period. No, really. It was so insulting. But all's well that end's well. The end.
And now I find myself in Orlando, Florida, at the start of a new year, and it is time to review last year's resolutions. Oh boy! This should be an exercise in futility! Let's see:
Become more clear-headed. - Sure.
Perhaps drink less alcohol. - Next.
Also, consider a mantra. - "Mmm. Wine."??
One Thing At A Time. - No, that's better.
Because honestly, we can't go on with our head so - cluttered. - Ahem. Better luck in 2009!
Meet Howie Mandel. - Haha! Yes! Did it, bitches!
Provide Internet photographic evidence of said meeting. Blam. What up!
Take the GMATs. - I'm a loser.
Take them again and really rock them. - No comment.
Apply to graduate school. - Well, at least I took a class. That's really something.
Actually go this time around. (Don't ask.) - Well, we'll actually go later this year, won't we, HV?
Be amazing future wife. Think special presents and thoughtful gestures, amongst, ahem, other things. - Now I am depressed. Although I did just gift J with a day at the shootin' range, something he has always wanted to do. But I also told my mom to get him a humidifier for Christmas (he needed it!). Yeah, those two cancel each other out.
Visit a California winery. - Check! Three down!
Develop exquisite physique for July nuptials. - Meh. Not exquisite, but serviceable.
Avoid burritos. - Switched to burrito bowls. I am giving myself this one.
Watch less television. - F you, resolution list.
Finish Anna Karenina. - No. And I am taking this off the '09 list. Come on, Tolstoy. Throw me a bone.
Even though Lisa Turtle gave away the ending trying to impress that snobbish intellectual she had a crush on in that one episode.
Reduce call-screening by 50%. - If I'm being honest... No.
Call Grandmom more. - I'm a jerk.
Give more compliments. - I will give myself this one. You are so pretty.
But make sure they are sincere. - Well, you are somewhat attractive.
Stop DVRing Sex and the City on TBS. - Yes! Your puns are silenced forever, Bradshaw.
Stop worrying so much. - Sort of.
Consider another mantra for this. - "Don't worry. Be happy."
More. Yoga. - Nice work! Until after the wedding. Lazy.
Get published. - Yeppers! One article down, 894090 to go.
To this end, definitely drink less and cut out bad TV. - Look alive, HomeValley!
Post more. - I'm an asshole.
Become a friend of the blogosphere. Delurk. - Meh.
Floss. - Nope.
Organize office. - We did it!
Maintain organized workspace. - Good luck with this.
Send "thank you" cards. - Did it!
Visit Africa. - March 2009.
See the pyramids in Egypt. - Soon enough, my precious.
Go on a safari. - Not this year. Not next.
Quell road rage. - Ehhh.
Get promoted. - Or move laterally! Good for you, though.
These are stupid:
Become a better networker.
Volunteer at least three days this year.
Become a student of theology.
Pick a religion that works.
Stop offending Jesus.
Become spiritual person.
Finally get belly-button ring removed, because honestly. You got that thing at 18 on South Street. Time to let go. - Change of heart about this one. Stay young.
Develop solid wedding song playlist. - Well, I think all who attended can agree. I rocked this.
Avoid most wedding cliches. - Yep.
Share your success in these quests with the Internet. - You're welcome, Internet.
And also those damn Istanbul pictures already. - Merhaba, friends.
So, was it a successful year? Meh. Probably not, resolutionary-speaking. But I will remain steadfast this year. I've discovered a newfound zest for organization, dedication, and a little something I like to call: finish what you start, you silly blog-mistress. That's what 2009 is about. And I swear, I am going to do it.
Happy New Year, y'all.