Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Shocked and RuPauled

It's just tragic when you can't find the time to blog, if for no other reason that you lose your window of opportunity to use the aforementioned witty post title to describe your trip to a drag restaurant in Lower Manhattan. My friends, just know that this April bachelorette party consisted of "orgy bowls" (Rainblo's Poontang, anyone?) and men far more woman than I adorned in evening gowns and bikinis. Well, except maybe this lass:


There were lap dances and words we wish to remember forever (Ol, the Bachelorette: "I've had a headache since that queen's balls were in my face, banging my head into that damn metal pole.")

There were the lap dances that should have been; instead, Al and I cowered when we learned what we had volunteered for and scurried back to our table. (It would take a lot of Rainblo's Poontang for that, y'all.)

And there was Porky's, the land of alcohol-poisoned underaged kids from New Jersey drinking liquor from fish bowls and downing yard stick beers. And this guy. (Sadly, that is not us in the picture, nor did we catch him there. I'm just sayin'.)

I have long pondered the origin of the bachelorette party; more specifically, the incorporation of the phallus into any and all bachelorette activities. (I smell a future doctoral thesis!) Penis cakes; penis Jell-o molds; penis martini glasses (that light up!); veil adorned with tiny penises; penis straws; giant inflatable penises; enormous rubber penises; penis necklaces; penis earrings; I could go on.




That's a whole lotta penis, and why? Are we celebrating the acquisition of one final penis til death do us part? Or is this merely an homage to the penis that never was, and now never will be? Also, does the word "penis" look weird to anyone else after reading it this many times?

J and I have opted not to have bachelor/bachelorette parties. As we'll be having all of our guests travel to some Caribbean island in the oppressive July heat for our nuptials, we'll likely do some boys only/girls only activities at the swim-up bar or spa. Also, I have made Grace swear on all that is good and holy to a strict, no plastic cock policy. Lovely as the penis is, I prefer not to wear tiny replicas of it on a pristine white veil.

On the other hand, this guy? Totally welcome.













10 comments:

the_real_jc said...

Are you guys really not having bps?

Homevalley said...

We've said that since the beginning, but I am sure either of us could be enticed...

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a ploy to keep J away from the strip clubs to me. -Pop Star

Homevalley said...

Ha! No ploy, just a nice benefit (plus, J is not a fan of strip clubs)...

the_real_jc said...

We'll see about this....

Anonymous said...

It really took me 2 days to respond to such a ridiculous comment like "J is not a fan of strip clubs." Can you tell J to write a book about convincing your girlfriend how to believe some of the most obvious absurdities in the world? What else did he tell you? The world is flat? He was a virgin before he met you? He masturbates "maybe once a week" (if you're not around)? Michael Jackson molests children? Eagles to win Super Bowl in '08? - PS

Homevalley said...

PS - Maybe one of my favorite comments ever. I will respond in due time.

Homevalley said...

From Grace:

Love the penis entry. Of course, you know I am partial to any entry where Grace appears. Holla.

And, by the way, I will say this only once. You are having a bachellerette party prior to Jamaica. It will be tasteful, I assure you. The Cave is tasteful, right? I am kidding. Not about the party, about the Cave.

Still waiting on the Hoff entry. And thank you for adding Lionel.

Anonymous said...

I am shocked that after a story like that one you admit to loving "penis entry"...ironically so does RuPaul.

Homevalley said...

Is that Trashelle in the background of the first picture here?