http://www.omgmyweddingmakesmemiserablewhatthefuckiswrongwithme.com/
First, a heartfelt thanks to each and everyone of you who has either totally not mentioned the Thing That Shall Not Be Named to me, or who has contacted me with a recommendation to call this travel agent or that person who just had a destination wedding. Am grateful. Very, very grateful.
Maybe we don't call it a "wedding" anymore? Maybe we call it a super-fun party. Yes, Super-Fun Party. That takes a bit of the edge off.
Sunday night, I hugged J tightly and whispered in his ear, "Babe, do you think we could elope?"
"Sure," he replied.
"No, no. Really. Would you elope?" I pressed.
He thinks for a moment. "No. I couldn't do it. I'd want my parents and friends there."
Humph. I love you all, but, um, I probably could. No worries. Super-Fun Party is on.
Moving on...
Last week I asked J to print out a post I had written some time ago. I thought that I may have stumbled onto magazine feature gold with it. (I have since changed my mind. Writers.) Within the context of that same email, I mentioned that I'd like to start printing out this blog, so that we could save it. In my own mind, I reasoned that printing this text would allow me to remember my twenties vividly. HomeValley Jr. could then also experience my twenties vividly, and marvel at Mama's clever positioning of the "f" word in most entries.
J. I bounced out of my office to greet him when he came home from work on Friday, and plopped down on the couch.
And noticed a crisp new binder of prose on the coffee table, entitled, "Mullets, M. Gellman, and Mergatroid, Oh My!" Subtitled: "Queens is the New Manhattan: The Sophisticated Diary of a Young Woman in Her Twenties."
Wait! He included the "reviewers" quotes on the cover, like:
"Crude yet classy; raunchy yet adorable..." - J-Money, The Chronicle
"Definitely the next big thing with a clever writing style that challenges anyone not to laugh!" - J, Author of Pick the Next Big Thing
"It's impossible not to love this girl!" - Larry, Future Husband
It was fucking hilarious and beautiful and I laughed uproariously through my tears.
6 comments:
so what is the god damn surprise that has to do with that picture from a couple weeks ago?
Sorry the Terry Schaivo joke stuck with you for so long but thanks for linking to and the mixed kind words IHateWeddings.com. Good luck planning the wedding. Manyunk is the new Williamsburg . . .or whatever. I had the best wedding I ever went to in Manyunk. I'm sure your wedding will be great. - All the best, Tom Kelly
Tom, we loved you and you rule. Thanks for stopping by! I still hate weddings. Do you remember the night I am speaking of??
Real JC... It's not ready yet. And it is not really exciting.
Well I didn't smell love in the "write up". Despite my crushed and wounded feelings it's nice to be remembered. I guess that's . . . uh something?
I honestly don't remember you but I do remember trying to coin the term "schiavoed" around April 2005. (Long story why I remember the time of year). I wound up at the Beer Garden A LOT back then. Are you friends of any of my friends? I found your blog . . . through a traffic monitor on Ihateweddings.com and LittleMerman.com.
Shiavoed meaning: You'd be better off dying and THEN someone comes and saves your life when you're better off dead. Kind of like you'd be better off getting fired from your job because you wanted the "golden parachute" but instead they just give you extra work. You got Schaivoed. Well . . . needless to say, audiences didn't overwhelmingly love my new word. Only tried it on stage a few times.
I agree the "joke" was in poor taste but I love that sentiment. Being saved when you're better off dead. It's an analogy for my career.
Ok I gotta go off and struggle. That's uh something.
Seriously, if you don't already, you're going to love Manyunk. A good friend used to live there. I miss visiting him there. I miss the old Schuylkill river.
Oh TJK, totally a slam on the View. You are fabulous.
I have many, many pictures of the night in question, as it was a dear friend's birthday party. They may appear in your inbox soon.
Good luck with everything, and keep us posted over here of any upcoming shows in NY or Philly... The fiance and I will buy you a drink and I will apologize profusely for the "uh" comment, as even if it is The View, you don't see me warming up audiences in the tri-state area now, do you? (All in due time, though).
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